Change is hard. Big changes are harder, but even the smaller changes make a difference for better or worse. Like my kids switching from homeschool to a brick and mortar school. Instead of me teaching them and working, I take them to school and get an awesome 7 hour break which works well with my insomnia because I sleep better during the day. To me that is a little change with a huge benefit. Since I cut my drinking in half, I already feel better, I don’t drink in the morning and I drink much less when I get home from work at 3am. It may sound like a small step,but it’s a huge step for me. I have been trapped by alcohol for years, and to finally be as free as I am, it’s a relief I never thought I would have. I may have insomnia and heightened anxiety but it’s worth it.
As I begin this new journey, we are also in the process of moving, in just a few days there will be another change and it’s for the better. I also start trauma and anxiety IOP. I’m pretty nervous. If it’s successful, I could be a whole different me,and that’s scary, even if it’s a good thing. I’ll still have plenty of mental struggles but it could possibly lighten the load and decrease my scary disassociation. That would change the way I think, feel, the way I approach obstacles or in a sense, everything. I hope I’m not putting too much faith in this program but they boast results and have received awards and even the intake appointment was more thorough than any other treatment I’ve been to(and I’ve been to a lot)
So now at almost 430 am I’ve been home for an hour and a half. I would have normally had 6 to 8 shots by now. Tonight I’ve only had two, and I may have one more before trying to sleep, but for now I call it a win. This was mostly me just getting out some thoughts, it really had no real purpose or meaningful content so yeah… I’m just excited because shit is really changing. For the first time in years and I’m happy! So that counts for something.