I woke up this morning to many messages and notifications telling me to reach out to my friend Carson. He needs help. So I call carson, he is a long time dear friend, one of the best I’ve had. I will do anything for him. Any time, any where.
For me, this stems from the fear of losing another friend(to death). I’ve lost enough. The other part of me just knows exactly how he feels and how hard it was for me to find help.
So the call starts out with the usual brotherly love that it always does and the usual cheerful act my friend so skillfully puts on, but I can immediately tell something is wrong. As close as my friend can come to tears, he says “look dude, I know you have been where I’m at. I am in pain, and I don’t know what’s going on.” He then explains some extreme events where in the end he has burned all family bridges and that they don’t know how to, or want to, help him. His struggle(while drinking and other things are involved) is one of pure mental health. He is losing his mind and he doesn’t know why, but it’s serious. Myself being in that exact situation for years, fully understands. Look, I drink, I do whatever I can to make these thoughts, these feelings, this obsession go away. I also know, without proper help you can drink, you can do drugs, you can escape in any way you think possible. It WILL NOT HELP.
If you truly want something different, it may take years of hardwork, an endless(yet impossible) love for yourself, and commitment that you may think impossible. It IS NOT. I myself am on that journey and have spent years figuring it out and I’m still not there, but I am better. Much better. Years of therapy of different kinds, medication changes, multiple doctor visits. All kinds of things can go right, or wrong. You just have to push through. Don’t give up. The seeming impossible, is possible.
After telling such things to my friend, he responds. Saying look, I just need help. The right person to talk to. The right treatment. The right start. So I have spent all morning on the phone with people I think can help. I want desperately to find this for my friend. My brother. I try to take myself out of the thought process of, ” I can’t lose him too.” To a thought process of…. hey, I can help. I CAN do something. I WILL do something. For him I have to. For him I would do anything no matter how uncomfortable or anxious I might get. I will not just sit and wonder and let the opportunity go.
Mental health is SO overlooked and drug addiction is the focus. But drugs and alcohol, for me, were a solution to a much more difficult beast. The solution to cure mental illness for those without proper treatment. For those like me, and my friend, we are not abusing drugs or alcohol. They are the medications we take to solve our problems. It just doesn’t work. We need guidance. It is out there. But hard to find. Especially for those without insurance. That’s where my friend carson is at. Hopeless. What he hasn’t learned but is trying to find is that there IS Hope. I will give as much hope as.i can…. for him, for anyone that I can. I will do all I can to get him the help he needs and deserves. He is the biggest(6 foot 7 inches) teddy bear and I love him so much. If you read this, please put some energy, some love, some faith and hope out in to the world that we find that help. For him, for anyone and everyone that is seeking so deeply to find some help. Let’s make that hope come ALIVE.